When I wake up, I often experience depression. It’s different from chronic depression or even “daily-variety” depression.

Why?

I have been sleeping.

So?

My defences are down. It’s not so easy to get back into my comfort zone. Ego is threatened.

Why?

Because it’s about to come face-to-face with the truth, namely, that it is not solid and has no permanent self-existence that is independent from the causes and conditions of daily life.

I’ve found an antidote!

When I wake up and am experiencing depression, I remind myself to call it “discomfort” rather than “depression.”

This is not some word game. It believe the word “discomfort” is more accurate than “depression.”

After applying the label “discomfort,” I then do a very short exercise to connect in with the energy of awakened mind and set my intention for the day.

We can appreciate depression as being like a wobbly staircase. When you put your foot on the first step, you wonder whether it’s going to hold you. You might fall. But as you take further steps, you realize that it’s going to carry you upstairs.

We learn to reject the terror of morning depression and to step into morning basic goodness, right on the spot.

From Ocean of Dharma: The Everyday Wisdom of Chogyam Trungpa. # 77.
Originally condensed from Great Eastern Sun: The Wisdom of Shambhala, pages 30-31.

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How often have we heard “It’s the thought that counts”?

For example, if we couldn’t get someone the expensive gift that we would like to have given them, we can comfort ourselves with the belief that “it’s the thought that counts!”

That’s the use of the word “thought “as in “intention.”

But believing this phrase It’s the thought that counts is also how we can get ourselves into trouble.

If you have no interest in a thought, it has no power.
You oxygenate them with your beliefs and interests – Mooji

How?When we forget that thoughts are indeed just thoughts, not reality. In other words, we create problems for ourselves when we make  our thoughts  “count.”

If you don’t know it’s a thought it becomes your reality. <Anon>

Then we go further and become fixated. Obsessed. Grasping. Attached.

We don’t attach to things; we attach to our stories [thoughts] about them – Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is

and

The root cause of suffering is identification with our thoughts, the ’stories’ that are continually running through our minds – Eckhart Tolle

This identification, clinging, attachment, leads to volitional action.

Which leads to the creation of our karma.

That’s the problem.

Now, here’s the promise! The very thing (confusing out thoughts with reality) that causes suffering is also the jump-off point  for going beyond our entrenched beliefs and habitual patterns that underlie every thought — mindfulness-awareness practice.

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We shall fight on the beaches – <source: Sir Winston Churchill>

When we talk about the fear of death, I believe that it is really ego’s fear of its own destruction.

Ego struggles to maintain its solidity. But it is a battle that it can never win because it fights to maintain a solidity that is illusory.

Whenever there is any threat that might expose the shifting sands that underly ego, this ego tries to secure a “beach-head” — like the beach-heads at beaches code-named Juno, Omaha, Sword and Gold, in Normandy, France on D-Day, June 06, 1944.

We might habitually drink alcohol, take drugs, eat, stop eating, call friends, ignore friends, sleep, play sports, have sex, manifest self- righteous anger etc. etc. — anything to restore a feeling of comfort with who we think we are.

These habitual patterns contribute to both creating and maintaining our karma. Sometimes this produces negative effects, as described in previous posts, namely, Deconstructing The Karma of Alleged Killer….; and I’m-just-a-link-in-your-chain.

On “D-Day” — which stands for The unnamed day on which an operation or offensive is to be launched  — the terrified teenage warriors provided target practice for Nazi guns perched on the cliffs high above the beaches on which the soldiers landed.

We shall never surrender <source: Sir Winston Churchill>

I noted above that ego tries to secure a beach-head like those beach-heads on D-Day.

But that’s where the similarity ends. For on June 06, 1944, these warriors, with invincible courage, set aside ego and surrendered to big mind. They sacrificed small, self-centred, “me first” mind on the altar of basic goodness.

I cannot think of a greater tribute to those of you, “dead” or “alive,” who fought there, to say, with heartfelt gratitude that, despite being on what amounted to a suicide mission, you established a beach-head — both literally and spiritually — from which to conquer hatred in all its forms.

Wherever you are now, I thank you.

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In Tibet we say: “Negative action has one good quality: it can be purified.” So there is always hope. Even murderers and the most hardened criminals can change and overcome the conditioning that led them to their crimes. Our present condition, if we use it skillfully and with wisdom, can be an inspriation to free ourselves from the bondage of suffering. <source:  Sogyal Rinpoche from Glimpse of the Day>

You’ve just done something you wish you hadn’t. Perhaps it caused suffering to someone. We know that the seed we’ve just planted will ripen at some point in the future.

Is there anything we can do to lessen the future, negative karmic impact on us?

Fortunately, yes.

The antidotes to future negative consequences are at the heart-level — nurturing of compassion and purification….. an appropriate topic for a Mother’s Day
post.

There are probably many antidotes. Here are a few:

• The Four Powers of Purification – In the Autumn of 1967 I first met His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama at Brock University, St. Catharines, Ontario, Canada. His Holiness described these powers in his lecture to us, which was published in 1969:
  
  “If his past (evil) Karma has not as yet borne fruit, it will still be possible for him to obliterate this unripe Karma by utilizing the strength of the four powers, namely: 1. Determination to attain the status of Buddhahood; 2. Determination to eschew demeritorious deeds, even at the cost of one’s life; 3. Ther performance of meritorious deeds; and 4. Repentance.  Such is the way to attain immediate happiness, to pave the way for attaining liberation in future, and to help avoid the accumulation of further demerits.” <source: The Tibet Society, Occasional Paper No. 1: Happiness, Karma, and Mind, December 1969>
  
  Click here for fuller explanation.

• tonglen practice as taught by Pema Chodron;
  
• Ho’oponopono – scroll down til you see the section entitled This is an excerpt from the forthcoming book “Zero Limits” by Joe Vitale and Dr. Hew Len. Due out July 2007; and
• Lovingkindness (Metta) and Compassion (Karuna) Meditation that I received from Namgyal Rinpoche in February 1970
  

(This post is based with appreciation on materials gathered at a seminar on karma with teacher Jay Lippman.)

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In the March 21, 2010 post, we discussed what we can do once the consequences of our previous actions ripen.

Unlike Erica in the popular Canadian TV show “Being Erica,” once the seeds from past volitional actions have ripened, we cannot go back and change the consequences.

The only choice we have at this point is how to relate to these consequences. Are we going to dwell in anger, bitterness, resentment if we see the consequences as negative? Or gloat, bask in ego-pride because we see the consequences as positive?

Many of us think of Cinderella as a “fairy tale.” But I like to think of it like this: while we may not have a fairy godmother upon which to call, if we relate to the obstalces in our lives as teachers rather than demons, something magical happens. Just as Cinderella’s fairy godmother produced a beautiful ball gown for Cinderella to wear to the royal ball, and turns a pumpkin into a magnificent coach, and transformed weak, tiny mice into swift steeds, our inner splendour can be released.

When we meet obstacles (that which prevent us from fulfilling our expectations or desires), we often look around for someone or something to blame. Or we may withdraw, or try to somehow seduce the obstacle. These responses keep us imprisoned in our habitual patterns and create further obstacles.

A few years ago, I started to save some of the quotations from daily e-mails I receive from Rigpa Glimpse of the Day to which I can refer when I need help to turn ugly rags of a mentality of poverty into ball gowns, to turn a feeling of being stalled into a handsome vehicle to take me somewhere, or to turn a feeling of powerlessness into a way to energize that handsome vehicle.

Here is my favourite:

Pain, grief, loss, and ceaseless frustration of every kind are there for a very real and dramatic purpose: to wake us up, to enable, almost to force us to break out of the cycle of samsara and so release our imprisoned splendor. <source: October 24, 2004>

This next is a rather graphic description of an enlightened approach to the obstacles in our lives:

Imagine that you have gone all your life without ever washing, and then one day you decide to take a shower. You start scrubbing away, but then watch in horror as the dirt begins to ooze out of the pores of your skin and stream down your body. Something must be wrong: you were supposed to be getting cleaner and all you can see is grime. You panic and fling yourself out of the shower, convinced that you should never have begun. But you only end up even more dirty than before. You have no way of knowing that the wisest  thing to do is to be patient and to finish the shower. It may look for a while as if you are getting even dirtier, but if you keep on washing, you will emerge fresh and clean. It’s all a process, the process of purification. <source: July 20, 2003>

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Unlike Erica in the popular Canadian TV show “Being Erica,” once the seeds from past volitional actions have ripened, we cannot go back and change the consequences.

The only choice we have at this point is how to relate to these consequences. Are we going to dwell in anger, bitterness, resentment if we see the consequences as negative? Or gloat, bask in ego-pride because we see the consequences as positive?

Byron Katie’s book Loving What Is nudges me off my psychological default position (ego) and helps me to respond to consequences —that I myself have brought about — in a much more spacious, graceful and positive way.

Here’s a book review:

Are you suffering because you’re being unfairly targeted or being used as a scapegoat? Feeling set up for a fall by people you thought were your friends? etc. etc. If you’re looking for a way to relate to these situations that takes you beyond simply complaining, that involves some kind of mind training then you might like the book entitled Loving What Is by Byron Katie that my sister Stephanie sent to me in 2002.

The title appealed to me right away. We spend so much time unwittingly resisting what is happening to us and around us in order to shield ourselves from the pain. We say, “This shouldn’t be happening to me.” We argue with reality.

But when I received this book on tape, I thought “There’s so many of these types of books on the market today with titles that ‘grab’ the book-buying public, but I often find the content disappointing if it’s based on strategies that are designed to make one person — the reader — the “winner” and the other one the “loser.” In other words, the strategies are based on ego.

I started to listen to the cassettes of the book. I liked it. Actually, I loved it! Then I heard that there was an exercise to do, I groaned. Don’t tell me that I have to write something down, I thought. I just want to be lazy and listen, not have to do any work. Not only that, but the exercise seemed to be at the kindergarten level. But I was impressed enough by what I had heard on the cassettes so far that I tried the exercise.

What happened was a revolution at the level of the mind. And that’s what I liked about it. It doesn’t give the reader “strategies” or lists of things to do to be “successful.” It starts with the premise that everything — including suffering — comes originally from our minds. And further, that arguing with reality hurts: “I’m a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.” And “when you argue with reality you lose — only 100 percent of the time” (author Byron Katie).

So rather than running around doing this, that and the other thing, start with your own mind. That’s the bravest and most fearless thing anyone can do, I believe. If you work with your mind in the proper way — in other words, based on mindfulness — the proper action to take, if any, often follows. Maybe not right away, but in time.

If you’re interested, you can by the book or cassettes or borrow them from your library. There is also a website. If more of us worked with our own minds, we would cause a lot less pain and suffering for ourselves and others. “Only when we give up ‘what should be’ can we experience the perfection of ‘what is.’” <source: creator of and publisher on this weblog, Maggie Scott>

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On subway cars in my city, there’s a sign on the door saying “Mind the Gap.” Love it! I need to be constantly reminded to let go of all the subconscious gossip and discursive thought going on in my head and just mind the gap.

The gap to which the transit company is referring is that gap between the platform and the subway car.

The gap to which meditation instructors refer is that between one thought\emotion and the next. That’s where primordial awareness and intelligence lie. That’s where the unchanging essence that underlies all changing things is. This unchanging essence is sometimes described as being as vast as the sky where “nothing but everything arises from it.” The spaciousness that lies beyond the claustrophobia of our conventional minds. Beyond judgment, contrivance, change, accepting and rejecting. Just beyond….

I know from personal experience how, in a nano second, I get caught up in thoughts\emotions and how easily I get “hooked” if one of my painful “buttons” is pushed. e.g. if someone is extremely aggressive towards me. One of my spiritual guides used the example of walking along the street and a stranger looks at you and shouts “F — — K YOU!”  Or my child does something that really upsets me. What’s my usual reaction? How can I avoid going on automatic pilot?Create a gap, I tell myself. Don’t just jump into the situation. Pause. Isn’t there some Coca-Cola ad that invites us to taste “the pause that refreshes”? Or like pressing  the “Refresh” (F5) key on our computer keyboard.

Some ways to create a gap:

1. in daily life:
   • take a few deep breaths and focus on the process — Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale. Inhale. Exhale —  before responding to the situation;
   • put up some signs around your home to remind yourself to “mind the gap.”
2. in meditation practice, we learn to be mindful of the gap between one thought\emotion and the next. This is where we learn to say “thinking” when  thought\emotion arises, rather than getting caught up in it, or obsessing and fixating on it.

As this weblog is an in-depth examination of karma, I want to point out that there’s a wonderful bonus to minding the gap: by not indulging in our usual habitual patterns, we burn up negative karma.

Every time a habitual pattern gets strong, every time we feel caught up or on automatic pilot, we could see it as an opportunity to burn up negative karma. Rather than as a problem, we dould see it as our karma ripening, which gives us an opportunity to burn up karma, or at least weaking our karmic propensities. But that’s hard to do. When we realize that we are hooked, that we’re on automatic pilot, what do we do next? (source: In the Face of Fear, article by Pema Chodron)

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This weblog is dedicated to the subject of karma and its many facets and factors.Today I write about Milarepa, a murderer and saint, who is, for me, the best object lesson for karma!

When we hear the name Tibet, many people think of His Holiness the Fourteenth Dalai Lama. Gentle. Compassionate. Humourous. Loving. Wise.

Milarepa, one of the greatest figures of Tibetan Buddhism, couldn’t present a better contrast to the perception we have of the Dalai Lama.

I mean, Mila was one bad dude. Got into black magic in a big way. Murdered his enemies to avenge some wrong-doing done to his family after his father had died.

But he is favourite of mine. Why? It’s really quite simple. He was a very naughty boy who went from sinner to saint. From a murderer to a magician and mystic. And did it all in one lifetime.

Milarepa’s message to me is: “I transformed a great deal of negative karma into enlightenment. So can you.”  Well, it’s taking me many many lifetimes. But Mila is my inspiration.

Let’s start at the beginning of his story.

Once upon a time a baby son destined to be the most famous Tibetan poet was born in 1040 to wealthy parents who called him “Good News.” But in this story, there’s a lot of bad news too.

As the expression goes, what do you want to hear first: the good news or the bad news about Milarepa? In this case, we’ll have to start with the bad news because out of the bad news came the good news.

When Mila was still young, his father died. Unfortunately, his father did not draw up a very wise will, and wealth, in the form of a beautiful house and much land were put in the care of Mila’s aunt and uncle to be held until Mila got married.

The aunt and uncle were unkind people. They were greedy and thought only of themselves. Mila and his mother and sister were treated like slaves in their own home! They wore rags for clothes and did not eat well, while the aunt and uncle took everything good for themselves.

Aunt, you are a demoness.
You are a deadly demoness who almost killed me.
(source: The Rain of Wisdom – “The Songs of Jetsun Milarepa”)

Soon, Mila, his mother and sister — deprived of their land and house and all their goods, and given poor food to eat and rags to wear —became unhealthy. Everybody in their village felt sorry for them but there was nothing anyone felt they could do.

We usually think of turning 16 as a big deal.His mother couldn’t wait until he turned 16 to put her hidden agenda into action. So when he turned 15, she held a party for him. Her brother helped by giving Mila’s mother some food so that she would have something to serve to her guests. The aunt and uncle were invited.

After everyone had eaten, Mila’s mother made her grand announcement: “It is time now to have our possesions returned to us.” The aunt and uncle refused, saying that the will Mila’s father had left gave the family possessions to the aunt and uncle outright.

There weren’t any lawyers to go to in 11th century Tibet.

So Mila’s mother urged her adolescent son to seek out a Sorcerer-lama to learn black magic so he could destroy the family’s enemies.

He did. In fact, Mila was a such a good pupil that he got an A+ on his report card. When he returned to his village, he didn’t actually show his report card to his mother. He went one better. He demonstrated his A+ skills:

• First, he killed 35 people at a wedding party by causing the horses to become extremely agitated; in their agitation, the horses kicked the main column that supported the house, and it fell on 35 of the 37 wedding guests; and then
• He caused three powerful hail storms to appear; they destroyed the entire barley crop of that year.

After wreaking this havoc, he returned to his Sorcerer-lama for what we today would call graduate classes.

Now for the good news. At some point, Mila realized that his actions had accumulated a great deal of negative karma and wished now to get spiritual instruction. He met his teacher, Marpa the Translator, and asked Marpa to give him spiritual instructions.

Through a break in  my evil karma, I discovered good karma
I met the father jetsun [revered teacher], the excellent true buddha [awakened one]
………..
The skin of ignorant ego-fixation fell away from me,
And the great knot tied by passion and aggression [the poisons] was loosened.
(source: The Rain of Wisdom; “The Songs of Khakhyap Dorje”)

The great spiritual teacher Marpa realized that Mila had a great deal of evil karma to be worked through . So he “sentenced” Mila to a long period of hard labour: Marpa set him the task of building a stone structure… only to have Mila destroy it as soon as he built it. This occured eight times.

Only then was Mila purified enough to hear the spiritual instructions.

Alot of us feel we’ve been living a life of (psychological) hard labour in some ways.

What a great basis for waking up from the illusions that ego creates.

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If you don’t know it’s a thought it becomes your reality. <Anon>

There seems to be as many “causes” for depression as there are people who experience it.

• I’ve lost my job.
• My marriage has fallen apart.
• It’s raining.
• I’m in alot of physical pain.

Having suffered from chronic depression in the past, I finally came to a stunning realization. None of the above cause depression. It’s the way I relate to what is happening, not what happens in the world “outside” myself, that causes depression.

“There is nothing either good or bad but thinking makes it so.” – Shakespeare

and

We don’t attach to things; we attach to our stories about them - Byron Katie, author of Loving What Is

In other words, ego is the basic cause of depression, whether chronic or otherwise!

Put very simply, habitual patterns arise from grasping at a manufactured self, ego, that doesn’t actually exist.

Supporting this habitual grasping is an ego-mind produces thoughts, discursive chit-chat and subconscious gossip and afflictive emotions of of all kinds based on its original mistake: the creation of a Self. And then, by extension, the Other. And we believe it. That’s the problem.

• “You don’t have a job. So you’re worthless and a loser.”
• “They have more than I do.”
• “I’m the best!”
• “I’m the worst!”

As a sole support mother, being without a job sometimes was especially troubling for me. I finally realized that depending on external conditions (e.g. a job; the opinions of “others,” others that ego itself creates) for my self-esteem was the problem. I had a belief, an expectation, that, to feel worthwhile, I had to have a job. When I wasn’t working in the marketplace, my ego’s expectation wasn’t met. I was attached to this expectation.

In other words, it wasn’t the fact that I was out-of-work that caused the depression.  It was my attachment to ego’s expectation that I should have a job that created the depression.

That’s what ego does to convince itself that it exists in a solid, permanent way in an “external” world.

It doesn’t. It knows that, but will not give up the struggle to prove that it exists.

This conflict — knowing it doesn’t exist and struggling every minute to prove it does — produces depressions of all kinds when it gets undercut by our daily experience in the world.

I said above that the problem is that we believe our own thoughts, our own projections.

The thoughts will keep coming, but the belief in them will stop – Mooji

If you have no interest in a thought, it has no power.
You oxygenate them with your beliefs and interests – Mooji

The good news is that it’s both the problem and the promise! We can relate in a non-ego way to our thoughts by practice.

I’m so relieved when I remind myself of this quote:

We don’t have to believe everything we think. <Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche>

After all, it’s just a thought……keep it that way so that it doesn’t become your reality.

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The “show trial of the ages” has been a long one. As the spectators expected, Ego put up a spirited and clever defence. As one media headline put it, “Ego unmasked as manufactured self – trying to pass itself off as something it isn’t.”

Now the jury trooped back into the courtroom.

Have you reached a verdict, intoned the judge?

Yes Your Honour, replied the foreperson.

Read the charge, says the judge.

Ego is charged with masquerading as something it is not.

It is charged with vainly struggling to prove something unproveable, i.e. that it “exists.” To quote Byron Katie “The ego is terrified of the truth. And the truth is that ego doesn’t exist.”

Ego is further charged with duping human beings into believing a huge lie, namely, that it is real, solid and permanent, when in fact it is manufactured, like a car or a toy. The bureaucracy it has set up to protect its interests surpasses that of the largest international corporations.

Ego has misled us! Thus, Ego wastes vast amounts of time that could be put to better use, that of waking up from its delusion. As the expression goes, “Get a life, Ego” instead of wasting ours!

How do you find the defendant? Guilt or not guilty?

We find the defendant guilty as charged.

The courtroom erupted. The judge bangs her gavel. Silence.

The foreman continues:

Because of this vain struggle to prove that it exists,  and the suffering that struggle produces, Ego is charged with the following counts:

• Count One: being self-absorbed to the extent that it prevents us from going beyond neuroses and becoming fully human  – We find the defendant guilty as charged;
• Count Two: obesity from its insatiable hunger to convince us of its own importance – We find the defendant guilty as charged;
• Count Three: dabbling constantly in poisons. Poisons cause suffering. They sometimes kill – We find the defendant guilty as charged;
• Count Four: believing itself to be the centre of everything, just like the Middle Ages mistakenly thought the earth, not the sun, was the centre of our galaxy. Because of you, Galileo was thrown in jail – We find the defendant guilty as charged;
• Count Five: creating barriers between people by setting up  “self” and “other.” Therefore, there is discord, suffering, war, hunger and poverty. Even the “happiness” we experience is just another form of suffering, because it  is fleeting and based on illusion. We quote the Dalai Lama on this topic: Many problems due to demarcation of “we” and “they.” Shortsighted. Narrow minded.”
  • a by-product of this need to cut up humanity into “self’ and “other” is Ego’s ingrained tendency to engage in any action that will prove it is “better” than others by putting others down;
  • Ego encourages us to compare ourselves to others;
  • Ego depends on “external” conditions — which it itself has created — to get a sense of confidence and self-esteem;
  • Ego creates obstacles for us by spinning a story-line around our experience, including blaming others for our suffering.
  • Ego creates a bag of tricks (paragraphs 16 + 17), e.g. habitual patterns, to cover up the pain and suffering and discomfort we experience from trying to prove something unprovable.

  We find the defendant guilty as charged.

• Count Six: believing whatever it thinks to be true! As a result, it is fooled by its own projections (thoughts about things) and distort the truth; from this follows karma, karma that keeps us imprisoned in a treadmill life and robs us of our free will – We find the defendant guilty as charged.

In short, concluded the foreman, Ego is charged with both the creation and maintenance of the world of confusion and suffering (samsara). To put it another way, ego robs us of experiencing the world in a fresh way moment-by-moment.

Again, the courtroom noisily erupts, spilling out all its discursive thought and exchanging gossip. What will the sentence be?

“All quiet in the courtroom” shouts a court official.

The judge pronounces sentence:

The court takes these charges very seriously. The suffering that Ego causes is enormous.  But jail is not the answer. While it’s true that Ego keeps us imprisoned,  putting ego in jail and throwing away the key would just be a form of resistance. It’s like putting your hand on a bedspring. When you remove your hand, what happens? The spring bounces back.  If we put Ego down, it will just bounce back when we remove the restraints.

There will be no jail time. Instead, I propose an innovative solution to the problem of Ego. Put it under house arrest. Monitor its activity closely without judgement. In short, practice mindfulness and awareness.

And then the judge reads part of a poem by Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche:

Ego continually tries to create and maintain its security through the constant chatter of thought, our constant thought process. That process keeps itself busy, and it allows you to regenerate yourself constantly. Your mind’s motor keeps running because you have been pouring the fuel of conceptual mind into it for a long time. If you don’t pour more fuel in, if you don’t go along with the thought process, ego is starved. It is no longer sustainable. ….. Boycott ego-not as a villain or an enemy-but don’t give it any fuel. Let ego have an energy crisis. That is the basic approach that Buddha developed, and it is still up-to-date.

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