It’s Spring, 1976. I am the sole support mother of a beautiful four-year-old son.

The doctor says my son has to have his tonsils out.

Every night for one month I read a book to him that takes a child step-by-step through the process of what happens when the child enters the hospital for the operation. I hope that this information will calm his fears.

When my son is rolled through the hall on a gurney towards the operating room, he says to me “I not only love you. I like you.”

Even 36 years later, I am struck by the wisdom in this remark.

But what does it mean?

We talk about love a lot. But this remark suggests that somehow you might love someone, but not necessarily like them!

In order to gain some clarity, I did a contemplation exercise on loving and liking.  (Instructions for how to contemplate are provided in Appendix C,  Turning the Mind Into An Ally by Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche)>

Here’s what arose for me:

Genuuine love involves surrender of ego, overcoming duality. It goes a long way towards undercutting any negative karma that we might have accumulated.

Love is a state of mind without a centre or a self. ……It is free of aggression… This sort of open door policy is generosity. Of course, this is scary from a certain point of view…The ego devotes all of its time and energy to keeping the door shut. Chogyam Trungpa Rinpoche

Love’s power is so great that:

If you can love the sangha {group of practitioners}, you’ll be halfway to enlightenment. (source: Sakyong Mipham Rinpoche, Harvest of Peace address, September 2007)

And:

‘Even offering three hundred bowls of food three times a day does not match the spiritual merit gained in one moment of love.’ Nagarjuna

For me, the general meaning of love is to wish every person happpiness and well-being regardless of how I feel about them personally.

But liking? Perhaps my four-year-old son meant that he loved me because I am in the role of his mother. But beyond that, he also liked me as a person!

I don’t really know. I remember thinking at the time:  “If I ever meet someone who feels that way about me, I’ll marry him.”

I never did.

Not surprising, as marriage and “romantic” relationships are not part of my karmic stream. And, actually, I don’t believe in marriage. At least, not in this lifetime……and that’s OK with me.

If you found this post helpful, please share it with a friend. Then consider subscribing to the weblog by clicking on the Subscribe button in the navigation bar and following one of three sets of simple instructions. Thank you.